this is amazing, nicki!

Intimacy with self, others and life (spirit)

It is good to read the notes from the evening – an evening that brought me back, encouraged and reminded me of my inherent playfulness, curiosity and hunger for deep experiences and connection with people. It shifted something deep inside and encouraged me to be myself.

At first when I arrived I didn’t know what to expect – wondered what was going on when I saw a couple people on the ground, Frank and Linda upfront. I was wondering if the night had been canceled as I expected some playful interactions. No one had given me any instructions coming in and I tried to get an idea of what was going on. Of course also several of my own “judgments” were churning in my mind: Is this going to be boring? Is this just a talk? I came to play and participate and sure enough that happened once Frank addressed me and drew me in. He asked me to show what I do? Hmm what should I show: part of my work as an Expressive Arts Therapist/Psychotherapist – my own art as a storyteller/mover – hmmm? Poetry? Painter? What do I do?

The pieces I read spoke to me not only on a personal level and the questions I have asked myself and the blocks I have been perceiving but also because they spoke to some of my initial thoughts when I came in “I was disappointed at the beginning that there were not more people and not more action.” It is so interesting to see my own responses, thoughts, feelings and sensations before, during, and after in response to Frank’s invitations, to the whole evening and then reading other’s perceptions, experiences and description of the evening.

The more I’m sitting with it, I’m feeling the sense of intimacy that was created that night and is continued through the writings….. my inhibitions/judgments stripped away as the evening progressed …..when I was reading and the others playfully touched each other – two things were going on for me “thank god I‘m not part of the touching right now and oh I wish I was part of the touching and hmmm staying focused on the reading while I want to watch…..” sometimes I managed both watching and reading……and was inspired and mostly happy to be in the role I was that evening.

I liked that Frank continued asking questions when I gave answers… I felt his genuine interest that allowed me not to be just abstract and evasive….. I also liked that he really challenged us to make choices….. as when he kept asking the woman who did not want to take her clothes off whether the other kept their clothes on.

I was asking myself – hmmm do I really want to take my clothes off? Am I just doing it to be cool? To show I can do it? Or do I really want to experience what it feels like? I decided I wanted to find out how I would feel so I said yes. It felt natural, I felt a little aroused but mainly just comfortable and natural. A day later I was reflecting – a little shy to tell some friends at first about my experience which is unusual but finally I shared and then more questions came up for me. Some thoughts were already present while all was happening. Here there are several men dressed in the room, behind the cameras, the keyboard etc. –not getting undressed- frank not getting undressed (and yes him sharing he would be naked if he weren’t’ under the weather again seemed authentic) – isn’t that what always happens? Patriarchial society…. Me exhibitionist? Liking to be seen naked?

Yet Franks comment that he doesn’t do things casually socially invited me in further …. In the distance of the experience a little more discomfort while it felt so natural while being in it…… is he just getting off at others nudity? And if so what is my part in choosing to get undressed? Is it about being edgy? Will it always be like that? Is it just about being erotic? Physically naked? Being different? Being rebellious? Are they being comfortable in what they have created? And then isn’t it in the end the same as what happens when we become just familiar and comfortable and loose the curiosity of the moment? If it that way I’m not interested and so far I’m curious to see what happens next time I come or during the “private performance.”

The sense I took with me and also enhanced through these writings – thanks for sending them to me! Is that of intimacy and being with the experience and getting to know or rather experience oneself and being naked with oneself and others and accepting oneself for who we are, i.e. being in the truth of what/ who we are in this very moment of our experience. That’s what I have taken with me – thank you very much! Nicki

* * * * *

this is a wonderful gift to give to any artist... Such a deep report of your inner personal journey into the performance. It keeps the performance going.

I never do anything to be "edgy," or whatever. What I am after is what you described below beautifully. The performance is continuing!

The performance is a dream. It is hard to describe a dream to someone. It tends to melt in the telling. I wrote this warning sign because people were getting freaked out days after the performances because of this.

WARNING!
ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!
THIS PIECE MAY BE THREATENING TO YOUR EVERYDAY REALITY.
THIS PIECE MAY CAUSE QUESTIONING OF THE COMMON MORALITY.
THESE SYMPTOMS MAY APPEAR DAYS AFTER THE PIECE
WITHOUT WARNING…EVEN IF DURING THE PIECE,
YOU MAY FEEL AS IF NOTHING IS HAPPENING…
OR YOU MAY EVEN ENJOY IT. BUT ABOVE SYMPTOMS
MAY STILL APPEAR, LEADING TO RESTLESSNESS,
AND EVEN TO RADICAL CHANGE.

ENTER

it was on the wall behind Linda and I.

I am looking forward to playing with you in the unknown in our private performance!

I CAME TO PLAY
by
FRANK MOORE
01/02/2000

I came to play!
Came to the table
to play
I don’t care what I have
to do
to get a seat
at the table

I play every hand
dealt to me
not really caring about
winning or losing
or about skill…
just playing hands
to stay in the game

Yes, I am a dangerous player,
keep on playing

I came to play!
Came to bed
not to fuck you
but
to melt with you enjoying
mutual surrender
washing pleasure
swept away into oneness
exploring skin from the inside,
beyond time,
beyond self,
into the fun of being
into exploring
the furry cozy sweating love
that can’t be confined to the bed,
but claims the whole life
as its playpen

I came to play
to mix things up
to see what unexpected
will appear,
to jam
with playmates,
to lose ourselves
within one another,
within the playing,
the dancing,
the touching,
the music…
into listening
and melting

I came to play…
playing life the best way I can…
always playing against the house,
against the odds…
not a smart player…
never in competition…
just keep my eye
on the ball,
on each hand,
on following
the every move
of Lady Luck

I came to play…
often in the lonely fields
beyond taboo,
breaking thru THE WALL
to new possibilities…
but I am a team player…
always looking for playmates
to get muddy or sweaty with…
because…
truth be told…
playing with myself
for myself
has never been fun,
` only lonely

I came to play
with colors, noises, realities, bodies, words, characters, limits, dreams, images,
life, death, symbols, magic…
and with you

I came to play
and I’m a dangerous player
because I don’t play
for money,
fame,
power,
or from anger,
bitterness,
hatred,
emptiness,
or to win…
so I can’t lose
can’t be beaten!

I came to play
to play
just for fun
….just to change everything!

I came to play…
after all…
I want to play with you…
we are mammals,
after all!


In Freedom,
Frank Moore